Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in paintedladybug's LiveJournal:

Saturday, April 8th, 2006
10:56 pm	Sometimes everything just seems to suck. Why does it always seem that more than one things ALWAYS has to go wrong at a time? I could handle things so much more easily if these issues would just take turns! Why do I let things bother me so? Why can't I just be one of those people that is more laid back and just lets things happen? Why can't I let things roll off my back? I'm tired of stupid people. I think lately part of my problem has been the fact that the issues I've had deal with the people that I trust and can talk to. You can't really talk to someone quite the same way if the issue deals with them directly. So, what to do? You do what I did this evening and you bitch to Tom! (Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
11:47 am	Okay so I have a lot on my mind today. About a 2 weeks ago, I guess I had to confront a friend about a huge life-changing decision she's making that I disagree with. I honestly don't think its right for her and I felt like I had to tell her. Its my job as a friend to be totally honest, right? So I told her and it went well, she agreed with all the points I made. Now she's back into her old routine of ignoring all these issues that aren't gonna go away. Its frustrating watching her like that. Now she's even told several people about the things I said and somehow I'm kinda feeling like I'm the bad guy here. I don't get it. I didn't take any of this lightly. In fact I agonized over the whole thing for a week before finally deciding that I really should talk to her. *sigh* It just feels like I'm getting a lot of negative energy from some people who know nothing about the actual situation. Then there's this guy...the same one I've been hanging out with for a year now. He's been great. We've gotten along so well. He treated me like crap before, put no effort into me. I fell hard for him and then got really hurt in the end. Well, now he's respectful, and really has put the effort into me. He's done all the things a good friend should do. I've continually underestimated him, and been surprised over and over. He really seems to have had a light bulb moment. So here's the deal. I think I'm falling for him again. I got hurt really badly before. He has no clue that I was head over heels for him before. And now, while I'm keeping some emotional distance, I'm heading in that direction again. I can't help it. I really just like this guy...a lot. He's in this situation right now where he's dealing with some things and he doesn't need to get involved with anyone seriously. I understand that, and I don't want to get involved with him until he does have some of this straight. So that's cool. You know, take your time, get your stuff sorted out. But like I said, in the meantime, these feelings are coming back. You can't really help the way you feel. You can't help who you do and don't fall for. Damn. A part of me wants to run in the other direction because I'm so scared, but on the other hand, he's been great. We've had a great time together. So...now what? I have to decide if I'm willing to continue this and wait and see if when he gets this straightened out what happens with us, or do I give up (and run away screaming) because I'm scared? I guess the best thing is I'll continue to date other people and have fun. No way am I waiting around for anyone like that. Then when he does get some of his stuff worked out we can re-evaluate and see what happens. Maybe this will never work. Maybe we are too different. But I want him in my life. Now if I can just control my feelings... and yes, I know, Tom, if you read this you're gonna want to hit me. Work is going well. We have no director, but it looks like one of our former Assistant Directors may take the position. I like her and I think she would make some really positive changes for the unit. I still enjoy my job. I went through this period where I got really bitter, but I think I'm over that now. I absolutely adore some of my coworkers. I have to mention Paul's Pastry Shop. It this bakery in Burlington, NC and it puts Krispy Kreme to shame. I have never tasted anything like these doughnuts. OMG! They are fabulous! My financial situation sucks. I hate all the mistakes I've made. I can be such an idiot! I'm going to be paying off stuff for a few more years. I have been looking into getting a roommate, but the girl I was talking to about it is involved in the first situation I mentioned in this entry. Her association with it is more on the fringes, but still I'm having second thoughts about it. Living with her may involve some hostile people being around. So now what am I supposed to do? You know what I hate about myself? I hate that I have trouble letting things go. I hate that I feel things so strongly and that gets me into trouble. There are so few things that I'm apathetic about. I have an opinion about most things. I am fiercley loyal. WHen you hurt my friend or family you hurt me. Whenever someone close to me is dealing with something, I deal with it along with them. I feel some of what they are going through. Why can't I be one of those people who, I don't know, gets less emotionally involved? Does that make sense? I feel like I set myself up for drama. But on the other hand, what kind of life would this be if I didn't ever feel things strongly? Life is too short not to be intense. Life is too short not to get invested in someone. How can I find some balance? So that's my life. This journaling thing is cool. I've kept a journal on and off through most of my life, but online is cool. No one actually reads this, so that makes it even a little bit better for me, I think. Til next time... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
4:04 pm	Okay, so right now I'm kinda just bored and lonely. I had dental work done yesterday and my mouth hurts. I'm just tired. I was up really late, but I was having fun, so its worth it. One of my friends at work is almost 36 weeks pregnant, and having blood pressure issues. She had to go to the hospital today for closer monitoring and they may have to induce her early. There's no father involved here, and if I were her I would be so scared right now. I admire her strength. I just want her to be okay. She's moving after she has the baby, and that makes me sad, but we'll keep in touch some, hopefully. Another friend of mine who is also pregnant...I'm surrounded by pregnant people...is doing fine. That's awesome. She's so excited and its good to see her so happy. Yet another friend is getting married in July. I want her to be happy. July is coming fast, too! Sometimes, I feel like I'm stuck. I look around at these people I love and see the life changing things going on, the exciting things they have happening and can't help but wonder...when is it my turn? Does that sound pathetic? Its hard not to wonder if there's something wrong with me. My time will come, but when? I have gone out with several guys over the past year, in fact I'm proud of myself for continuing to get out there and meet new people because that's hard. I have met some really nice guys and some asses. There's one in particular who I have continued to spend time with and who I have come to really care about. He has actually qualified as both a nice guy and an ass at different times, but lately I've really been enjoying his company. It would be so easy for me to get totally caught up in him...I did before and it was painful. I can't do that to myself again. But there's still something about him... Why does it have to be so confusing? There's never anything easy is there? I guess its really true that the things in life that are so hard are the ones that are really worth it in the end. I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. Anyone who has felt what its like to really just be yourself and not have to worry about it knows what I am talking about. There's such a comfort level that I have with these people. Its amazing, really. There aren't very many people I feel that way about, but the ones I do are just the best. I'm not sure what I would do without them. Life has so many unexpected twists and turns, and a couple of these people have been there for more than one of those events for me. I only hope I have been as good a friend to these guys as they have been to me. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
4:24 pm	Tom Okay, so my friend Tom makes fun of me for having only 1 entry, so here's a second. I love you, Tom!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 21st, 2005
8:44 pm	My very first ever live journal entry Yay me! You know there are times when I find myself wishing that life were sometimes less drmatic, a little more boring, but I guess that's not very realistic. Things are always changing. People, circumstances, feelings. I am learning to embrace the adventure that is life and not let some of the things that happen make me bitter. Being bitter is not wirth it. Growth is my focus. Meeting new people, doing new things, stuff I never thought I would do or enjoy, going new places, tasting new foods. In the end, I know I never REALLY want life to be boring, I just want to manage it better. 2005 has got to be a better year than 2004. (Comment on this)